How many times have you heard the word “soul mate” thrown around in conversation?

“Oh, he’s definitely my soul mate.”

“When will I meet my soul mate?”

It’s probably one of the top 10 questions a psychic is asked.

Inwardly I cringe if I’m doing an intuitive reading with someone and they ask me, “Is this guy I’m dating my soul mate?” This question is cringe worthy because it shows me that the asker isn’t aware of the difference between a soul mate and having a soul connection with someone.

Growing up I fell victim to the same belief because psychics often perpetuate the myth that there is one, and only one, person destined to be your mate in this incarnation. But it’s all wrong. So let’s clear this up.

What Is a Soul Mate?

The most common definition of a soul mate is the person you are destined to marry.

You guys arrange to incarnate together, and you incarnate every time in every life and hook up, make babies, and live happily ever after.

This would be great if it were true, but it’s not really how things work.

So Do Soul Mates Exist At All Then?

In a way they do and in a way they don’t. We’ll have to reclassify the definition a little.

It’s true that before you incarnate you make arrangements with certain other souls to meet, connect, and have some kind of impact on each other. You might even end up marrying one of these souls, but it’s not necessary to satisfy the arrangement or plan you had with them. All that is intended to happen is a connection.

So our new definition of soul mate should be closer to this: A soul mate is a person you have a soul connection with whom you decide to interact with on a permanent or semi-permanent basis.

Read: The Definitive Guide to Soul Mates and Attracting a Great Relationship

So What’s a Soul Connection Then?

There are infinite souls out there, all extensions of Source.

Let’s use an analogy. If we’re all cells in the Body of Humanity, we’re all ultimately connected with each other the same way a liver cell is ultimately connected with a heart cell. But if you’re a heart cell, for example, you’ll find yourself resonating more closely with other heart cells. You may not have much connection with a liver cell if you’re a heart cell, but it’s okay, there’s no bad blood between you. 😉 You just don’t hang with each other much.

So when you incarnate, you may recognize some of the cells in your posse. “Hey, don’t we know each other from somewhere? Oh I remember, you’re a heart cell. Me too! Yo, my brother! What’s the haps?”

These are soul connections.

People you recognize because you know each other from the ether. You’ll feel drawn to them. You may have even pre-arranged a meeting because you have business together. You’ll have soul connections with potentially hundreds of people in any incarnation. You may not meet them all, but they’re here.

These soul connections are with people in what we call a soul group.

So Who Am I Supposed To Marry? Someone From My Soul Group?

It’s very common for people to fall in love with people with whom they have a soul connection. It’s a natural extension of the fondness you feel for them and the familiarity you have with them. Sometimes this fondness results in a commitment, like marriage. Sometimes it becomes a business partnership. Sometimes you are just amazing friends.

Think about it.

Don’t you know a few people in your life that you feel very close to but they aren’t your spouse? Haven’t you known someone in your past who had a huge impact on the course of your life but maybe you don’t even keep in touch now? A teacher? A mentor? A friend?

Probably members of your soul group.

Do You Always Marry Someone From Your Soul Group?

No, but I do think it’s more likely.

These are people you’ll have a natural attraction towards. These are people you’ll recognize on some level. But you could be a heart cell who marries a liver cell and you can live happily ever after too.

So How Am I Supposed to Find “The One?”

There is more than one “one.”

It’s probably religion that has indoctrinated us to believe we’re supposed to find one person and settle down for the rest of our lives. So of course you want to find the right “one.” Totally understandable.

But let me reassure you that there are scads of people on this planet who would make a good partner for you. It all depends on what you want, what they want, and if you’re at Starbucks when they are. 😉 Don’t get caught up with the idea that if you can’t find the “one” that you are doomed to be alone the rest of your life.

Just find one of the “ones” and you’ll be fine.

Weren’t You and Steve Soul Mates?

I’ve probably alluded to that in other blog entries.

I’m certain Steve and I pre-arranged our connection here. I’m certain we are members of the same soul group. I know our souls were deeply connected, and I know our mission here was well aligned.

But I also know there are other people in our group out there too.

As we drift around in this incarnation, we’ll keep ourselves open to interacting with them.

Restricting ourselves to one connection in each life is so unnecessary. Don’t do it to yourself either. Keep yourself open to meeting anyone and everyone with whom you have a connection.

Open yourself to what you could gain by interacting with cells outside your soul group too.

Is There a Way to Find People in Our Soul Group More Easily?

Yes there is. Go where they are. Seriously. Tune in to your soul group.

What kind of work do they do? What sort of philosophy of life do they probably have? Where are they likely to feel most comfortable? Most called?

It’s probably similar to you. I’ve found one of the best places to find people in a soul group is conferences and seminars. If you’re interested in something, chances are the members of your soul group are interested too. Workshops, conferences, retreats, gatherings, groups, are all great places to start your search.

When I first went to Hay House’s I Can Do It Conference it was like a soul group reunion! Oh my heavens, I felt like I’d found my tribe. Once I had that experience I started going to anything and everything where these people were likely to go. I’ve found members of my soul group at Toastmasters. You might find some at the gym, a yoga class, or at art school. They’re out there.

I have a blog post on how to create your soul mate which goes into this in more detail.

So the next time you ask a psychic where your soul mate is, I hope she says, “They’re all around you. Pick one. What kind of connection are you seeking at this time in your life?”

An intuitive should be able to help you find one, but I hope you understand now that it won’t be the one and only. Book your reading with me for more guidance.