Many people carry the belief that when good or bad things happen, they happen for a reason. They believe that if they could just figure out the reason it will allow them to learn the lesson, or move on, or understand their situation better, or make sense out of a terrible tragedy.
If you believe that everything happens for a reason, you likely believe in the concept of fate or destiny; that some divine being or consciousness is controlling your every action so you “learn your lessons.”
Then, when tragedy occurs, you look for the reason.
“Maybe I needed to hit that kid on the bicycle so I would learn to drive safer.”
“Maybe my husband cheating on me was the universe’s way of letting me know I deserve a better partner.
“Maybe I’ve been bad and I had to be punished.”
“Maybe I was meant to get cancer so I could help others through it.”
I think it’s human nature to want to figure out why something has happened to you, to make sense of it, to find meaning in it, to learn from it.
Maybe if you “learn all your lessons” as quickly as possible, you’ll finally be entitled to a happy life. Maybe if you can just figure out what you did wrong this time, then next time you can avoid a similar tragedy.
But there is a danger in believing that some cosmic divine being or system is in charge of your happiness. You give up authority over your own life. You submit to the will of a being you cannot control and thus you give up control of your own life. You live to appease a God or the Universe so you don’t have to suffer.
And that can lead to resentment. “I learned this lesson already, why am I experiencing it again? Have I displeased you? Am I just that deserving of punishment? Am I a bad person? Is this my karma to suffer?”
I’m not saying you can’t ascribe meaning to something that happens to you. You can. You can decide of your own free will that you want to help other people navigate their cancer diagnosis because you wished you had someone help you with yours. Or you can be happy you are cancer free and move on without doing anything more.
You can decide to stop drinking and driving so you never hit another driver. Or you can chalk it up to a fluke and keep drinking and driving.
You can decide when you’re done accepting partners who treat you poorly. Or you can run the same pattern throughout your life if you choose.
It’s all about choices and consequences. Cause and effect. The universe didn’t plot for you to run over the kid on the bike. You did when you got behind the wheel drunk.
The universe didn’t give you cancer. You got cancer because the cells in your body naturally became cancerous due to what you ate, what you smoked, or your genetics.
You didn’t tell your partner to cheat on you. You chose a partner who wasn’t ready to be in a committed, mature, monogamous relationship.
And only you can decide what you’re going to do about it going forward.
There is a lot more personal power involved in understanding that every choice you make leads to an outcome, and if you change the choice, you change the outcome, than there is in believing that there is a divine being out there plotting to hurt you and other people just to teach you something.
When bad things happen, go back and try to figure out what led to that outcome. Change what you can, accept what you can’t change, and decide if you even want to change how you live.
Cause and effect. Choices and consequences. That is how you flow through your life.
